For De Warmste Week, Kristel Verbeke talks to people in poverty, a theme thatis close to her heart. ‘Suddenly I wasn’t a child anymore and I had to explainto the landlord why the rent hadn’t been paid yet.’
Jonas MortierDecember 19, 202203:00
“The Christmas period used to be hell,” says Kristel Verbeke, one of themembers of the original K3 who has reinvented herself as a presenter of_Take care of Mom_. “My youngest sister died on December 28 and my oldestsister on January 13. The Christmas season has never been more fun since theywere gone. There are always two too few at the festive table.”
Verbeke has personally experienced that poverty is a highway robber that canfall unexpectedly on the back of anyone’s neck. In a few months, her lifechanged from a happy comedy to a drama à la Ken Loach.
“We were an ordinary working-class family. My father was a truck driver, mymother a cleaning lady. We didn’t know great luxury, but we had it good. Butdue to the divorce of my parents and the loss of my sisters, a lot hashappened in a short time that got us into trouble. Suddenly you are in a coldhouse, with an empty fridge, with a father who is hardly ever there. SuddenlyI was no longer a child and I had to explain to the landlord why the rent hadnot yet been paid. Those are things you shouldn’t be thinking about as a younggirl. Your childhood will be taken away from you.
Image Damon De Backer
“For the program on One that I am making as part of De Warmste Week, I spoketo an eleven-year-old boy. He lived with his mother, three sisters and a dogin social housing. He told how his mom always dies from the stress when billsfall in the mailbox again. “But everything will be fine!” he says. ‘Becausewhen I’m 16, I’m going to work. Then we never have to sleep on the street.’Then I think: that boy is eleven. He should be playing football, playing,doing mischief. But your youth suddenly ends. Life becomes survival. Therashness, being able to go to the store and buy something you like, being ableto pursue your hobby, meeting up with friends…”
“How many people don’t come along when something is organized because theycan’t afford a round? And so they say they don’t feel like it. Everything thatis nice, that makes life alive, falls away. There are so many choices, whichare obvious to us, but which disappear when you are poor. Suppose you receivea bag of clothes as a gift. Yippee. That they are a bit retro and in horriblecolors, that’s just the way it is. Or food banks: thank God they exist, but ifyou would like to eat vegan out of conviction, then forget it.”
Taboo
Verbeke has, as in the better Houdini act, escaped poverty. Thanks to the bigmouth she learned to put on as a little girl in a big world and a gift forkeeping up appearances that is part of the basic poverty course. The idealpreparation to become ‘the black of K3’.
“At K3 I was an enlarged version of myself. I was a cartoon character, so Ididn’t have to show much. I thought that was very safe. I cherished that.Okay, sometimes I also found it difficult being a cartoon character as anadult woman, but I think we evolved into that as a group.”
Only after her retirement as a pop princess did Verbeke dare to be open abouther past. She thought it was important to express herself, because poverty toooften remains hidden.
“That always comes back to poverty: the shame, the taboo. It’s justembarrassing to admit that as a kid you didn’t know that people have to washevery day. That’s not what I was taught. You feel that if you speak up, peoplewill view you differently. “
In the meantime, she is happy that her story is public good.
“People no longer only see Kristel from K3, but also the person underneath. Iused to hold on tight to my K3 straitjacket. Today I dare to show myself more.And when I talk to people now, they quickly feel: yes, you know what it’slike, don’t you?”
Do you still carry many scars from that time?
“Yes, I am still frugal (laughs). I have an excel sheet at home with all ourincome and expenses. If there is less work for a while, I get very nervous. Ialso get very grumpy when my fridge is empty. That remains. And I’m not goodat relationships. Everything is going great with my husband and the kids, butother than that I don’t have many people I spend a lot of time with. I like tobe alone at home with my family. Maybe that’s a piece of self-protection. Asan adult woman, I still have a very hard time trusting people. I am social andopen, but there is still a high wall that you cannot easily break through.”
Verbeke has now made two seasons of Take care of Mom in which she shows thetrue face of poverty through the stories of a dozen mothers with financialdifficulties.
Was it all recognition for you, or were you often surprised yourself?
“Poverty has many faces. That’s cliche, but it’s true. What causes paralysisin one person makes the other combative. What I did see coming back everywherewas the abundance. You can solve one thing, but then the next problem arises.It’s always a mess. Very exhausting.”
I remembered that from the series: poverty is incredibly hard work.
“Yes. Joost, one of the poverty coaches in Take care of Mom , once said:poverty is a full-time job. It is not easy to manage a budget anyway, but forpeople in poverty it is constantly thinking: how am I going to solve this, howare we going to eat tomorrow, how are we going to get to work? That’s hardwork, yes. You can never even catch your breath. Compare it with a deadline ora move. In the run-up to it you feel a lot of stress, but once it’s done, youcan breathe again. But the stress never ends with poverty.”
What I found particularly poignant was the guilt that weighed down most moms.While it was seldom their fault, but rather the result of unfortunatecircumstances or plain bad luck.
“You always think you did something wrong. One of the moms out Take care ofMom had to choose between two invoices. She could only afford one. She chosein good conscience, but then a bailiff showed up for the one she hadn’t paid.She felt guilty for guessing wrong.”
You see that coming back to all moms: they all say ‘it’s my fault that…’.While they are often unsung heroines who save the food from their mouths fortheir children.
“Literally, yes. I remember a recording day: a quick stop at the bakery for acoffee cake in the car. I arrive at one of the mothers, where we would filmthe morning ritual, making the bread box. But… there was no bread. I thinkthere were two more slices for the kids. Nothing for the mother. Then you feelso guilty that you just ate such a stupid coffee cake.”
Verbeke is pleased that with De Warmste Week some attention is once againbeing paid to underprivileged people and that she herself is Flames againstpoverty put the problem on the map. “The problems are only getting bigger.One in eight children is born in poverty. In Brussels that is even one infour. That’s a number of sports halls full, isn’t it? And those are stillrelatively old figures. In the meantime, there are more.”
Can I call an initiative such as De Warmste Week somewhat double? You buy offyour guilt by showing your solidarity once a year, even though things shouldchange structurally.
“The Warmest Week only takes place once a year, but there are all kinds ofprojects behind it that run throughout the year. What I hope is that peoplewill also take a look at the site of De Warmste Week to discover it. Maybethey will find a project in their own neighborhood to which they cancontribute financially, or where they can help… But you are right that thingsneed to change, above all, structurally. Politicians should show some guts.”
How can they do that?
“I have the impression that they want to invent hot water, but there are quitea few projects that have been proven to work very well. The Children’s PovertyFund, for example, has investigated what it would cost exactly to invest inchildren and what the return would be. That has been thoroughly calculated.Politicians should only apply what works and roll it out across Flanders.That’s courage, but it’s not. I think it is their damned duty to have an eyefor the vulnerable in society.”
Do politicians focus too much on the economy and too little on people?
“During the first phase of the corona crisis, about 2 percent went to socialmeasures. The rest is pumped into the economy. Then you show what you think ismost important, right? (gets excited) For De Warmste Week I bring together ahundred people who live in poverty or who are confronted with it. I asked themthe question: which of you spend half of your income on housing? I think thatwas about 60 percent of them. Then you know that you have to change somethingin your housing and social policy, don’t you?”
Verbeke certainly continues to believe in it: a world without poverty,somewhere behind the rainbow.
“I dream of a white march on Brussels, where people who are well off stand upfor people who are having a harder time. So that we all show together: dosomething! We don’t have to wait until everyone is in over their heads introuble, do we? In a sense, De Warmste Week is also a cry for action. We showhow much these concerns are alive.”
Flames against poverty. On a. Monday and Thursday at 10 pm.