John Mayer was careful not to name names, but he talked all aboutrelationships and, yes, potentially marriage, in a new interview.
The “Daughters” singer appeared on the Call her daddy podcast and wasgrilled about his dating life at 45 — and six years after quitting drinking.He talked about being branded a “man whore,” and similar labels, in his 20sand 30s amid high-profile romances with partners including Jennifer Aniston,Jessica Simpson, Katy Perry, Taylor Swift and Jennifer Love Hewitt. He alsoadmitted to struggling with fame then, and how retreating from the spotlighthas benefited him — though it took a little time for his ego to get used toit.
“Currently single,” is the musician’s relationship status. “I don’t date thatthat much. I look at it like this: Dating is no longer a codified activity forme. It’s not patterned anymore.”
He said his dating style changed when he stopped drinking.
“I quit drinking like six years ago, so I don’t drink anymore,” he said. “Idon’t have the liquid courage.” As a result, “You have to be really glaringlyhonest” in relationships. “Here’s who I am. Here’s what I like. Here is whatmakes me nervous. Here’s what I reject as an idea in relationship. You have toexpress your anxieties — you can’t you can’t just walk over them by drinking.”
He said as he’s gotten older, he no longer has “five-hour dates in me.”Instead, his dream date is for “someone to say, ‘Hey, I’m coming over to yourhouse for an hour and a half. I’m bringing my laptop — just need the Wi-Ficode. I’ll be on the couch. I’m not trying to take up all your space… I don’twant to do the thing where I start to make you feel claustrophobic because Ireally have a good feeling about you. Give me the Wi-Fi code, I’ll eat one ofyour yogurts. Talk to me when you want to talk to me.’ I’d be like: I want todo that.”
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Mayer, who moved to Montana in 2012, said, “Of course, I want to get married.”He “can’t wait for someone to be mad at me because I said that I would takethe dry cleaning in” and didn’t. He looks forward to a partnering that’s”deep, meaningful and secure.” He said nothing is “hotter to me than conflictresolution. I am horny for conflict resolution.”
He goes into it knowing that he’s had labels slapped on him for his pastpairings, which were always fodder for the celebrity websites.
“I have a couple of nameplates on me, like ‘Lothario’ and ‘womanizer’ andstuff and, look, that is what that is,” he said. “That’s the role I play onthe big TV show that I didn’t write. That’s fine. Maybe I had a hand in it …”he admitted.
However, “Every relationship I’ve ever been in was devoted to the idea thatthis could go the distance,” he said. “My entire life. Today included… I havealways sought potential for long-term relationship. I know what my mistakeswere looking back.” He said they’re “not worth talking about … as long as youdo the accounting. As long as you do your homework as a human being … and go,’Yeah, I really meant well, but… Or, “Yeah, they meant well, but…” As long asyou’re aware of what [the issues were]and how you can apply that to the nextrelationship, I don’t see a problem with any past relationships ending badly.”
He spoke of having closure in many past relationships, admitting he has “acouple little outstanding, still vibrating things” with some people, withoutnaming them. (We’ll volunteer Simpson and Swift, but he literally did notrefer to any ex by name throughout the conversation.) In some cases, some are”always going to be incomplete,” he said.
Mayer talked about struggling with fame in his earlier years; his infamous_Playboy interview_ calling Simpson sexual napalm, and impromptu pressconference to discuss why he broke up with Aniston come to mind.
“I’m the musician guy that writes songs that are, like, kind of hits,” hesaid. Earlier on the scene, “I thought that I was, through my own manipulationof the thing, an A-lister … I thought, Well, this is where I belong …Obviously, it wasn’t because I didn’t handle it very well.”
He found himself in a loop of correcting the record about himself, saying, “Ifsomebody gets [something about] you a little bit wrong … you’re gonna jump outand go: ‘That is not what I said. Here’s how I said it.’ You’re going to fine-tune that thing that you’re being misunderstood for. [But] there comes a pointwhere if you’re so misunderstood, it’s almost like they’re thinking about adifferent person … They’re talking about a character.”
He eventually realized that trending on social media wasn’t where it was at.While initially “tough” to adjust to, he did and has made largely his publicpresence about music.
“It’s scary — the idea that if you pulled away, you’d be forgotten,” he said.”That if you got off Twitter, you be forgotten. That if you didn’t throwyourself into the mix every day, you’d be forgotten.” However, “It’s beautifulto be forgotten in the ways you ultimately don’t want to be known.”
As a society, “we haven’t learned that retreat is an option,” he said.”Retreat is an option. I don’t know where this idea of stubborn fight tothe death stuff came from. You lose everything.”
Now that he has retreated, “I haven’t ever been happier in my life.”
Mayer played music during the interview — and talked about some of his mostfamous songs. For instance, he revealed that “Your Body Is a Wonderland” wasnot about Hewitt.
“No it wasn’t,” he corrected Alex Cooper. “That was about my first girlfriend”in high school. I was 21 when I wrote that song — and I was nostalgic forbeing 16. I never met a celebrity when I wrote that song.”
Asked if his high school girlfriend knew it was about her, he said, “That’s agood question. Maybe she didn’t.” He went on to add that he doesn’t “writesongs about people” — perhaps a veiled reference to Swift, who has writtenmore than one about him. “I might use a relationship that inspires me to writesomething,” but whoever inspired it goes away “and I’m left with the song.”Besides, he added, “I don’t like telling anyone that a song is about somebodybecause most of the time it’s not and it takes people away from themselvesbecause they’re just visualizing who I’m writing about.”