Since the BOOS episode, many companies have become more aware of transgressivebehaviour, there will be a national action plan and the taboo surroundingsexual violence finally seems to be lifted. However, according to experts,there are also risks in dealing with the subject. The focus would be too muchon the working atmosphere, while this occurs even more often in personalspheres.
At Victim Support Netherlands, there was 25 percent more work over the pastyear as a whole after the revelations about The Voice. Jiska Dijk is apsychosocial advisor at Victim Support Netherlands and emphasizes howsignificant that is. “That more people report is great, but we can only reallyhelp people if they are willing to take the next steps in the process. Thatwas also the case now. We have provided more legal support, more people inpeer groups and more requests for recovery mediation had.”
Reverse
Dijk thinks it is a good thing that the threshold for reporting has becomelower, but also sees a downside. “There is a lot of attention for sexuallytransgressive behavior in the workplace, but the vast majority of cases ofsexual violence take place in the home. If we want to tackle sexual violenceon a large scale, it has to start there.”
Words taken from the heart of Iva Bićanić, psychologist and founder of theNational Center for Sexual Violence. She also sees that people, especiallyyoung people, talk more about sexual abuse: the number of reports doubled inthe past year.
But she also sees a downside. “This whole story of sexual misconduct in theworkplace distracts us from another serious problem: sexual abuse in the home.It’s becoming more common and wreaking havoc even more.”
Protocols
According to Bićanić, we have to be careful not to focus too much on a limitedpart of the problem: “It is always about protocols for the workplace, butnobody thinks about the protocols for families”. She sees risks of abuse,especially in blended families.
“Two people fall in love and move in with each other, but their children whodon’t share anything with each other suddenly have to do something with eachother. Then if you have a four-year-old who is fascinated by nudity – like allfour-year-olds – and a big brother of thirteen , then cross-border situationscan arise relatively easily.”
When is transgressive behavior punishable and when is it not? In the videobelow, criminal lawyer Diantha van Eijsden explains how this works:
Carlijn van der Vliet (34) was sexually abused by her brother from the age ofseven to the age of fourteen. For years she had therapy before she could moveon with her life. “It is very difficult to be open about sexual abuse as avictim. There are always judgments from others. And you already have thatyourself, you also ask yourself whether you are guilty or could have donesomething else.”
cesspool open
With the opinions about The Voice, acquaintances also approached Carlijn withquestions. “People who are further away from me suddenly dared to saysomething. I got questions about me like ‘why didn’t you ever talk about itthen?’ For people who have never talked before, all the attention is probablyvery nice. But for people who have already dealt with this, not necessarily.The cesspool really opened up again for me and I have been upset for a largepart of 2022, I felt gloomy and insecure.”
Although it is good that sexual abuse can be discussed, this does not yetoffer the solution, according to Van der Vliet and Bićanić. Just as resistancetraining will not make a difference.
“Those trainings are based on a clear boundary that must be guarded, but thetreacherous thing is that that boundary is not so clear for children,” saysBićanić. “Only with the man in the bushes, but that’s rarely the point. It’sabout a boundary that is being stretched further and further by someone youknow well and trust. If you then say that resilience training could haveprevented it, you say to such a a child ‘why haven’t you been more resilient’,which reinforces the feeling of guilt.”
resilience
That the solution does not lie in resilience, is something that Van der Vlietrecognizes: “What my brother did to me actually consisted of two phases: firstonly abuse, and the last year and a half rape because I stood up for myself.”
Bićanić recognizes that: “Sexual abuse happens because someone in power wantsit to. It’s not prevented by a child who doesn’t want it.”
If talking and working on resilience is not a solution, what is? According topsychologist Bićanić, the biggest problem lies in tackling sexual abuse insociety. “People who have not been abused themselves say that stories aboutabuse fill them with anger, powerlessness and disgust. But also disbelief.People simply cannot imagine it.”
“But it’s close, it’s everywhere,” Bićanić says. “In most cases, perpetratorsare not monsters or hunters, but ordinary people, often even with sincerefeelings. Sexual abuse is not normal, but unfortunately it is normal. As asociety, we cannot afford to look at celebrities and think that only there isthe problem. People do not want to face the fact that this can also happen intheir own family.”
Safe home situation
According to Bićanić, if you want to tackle sexual abuse at its roots, youwill not end up with education, but with families themselves. “What wouldreally help is to ensure that children grow up in safe families. Children whogrow up in unsafe families run a greater risk of both becoming victims andperpetrators. Or both. But safe families for all children, how do you do that