Welcome to So Mini Ways Yahoo Lifes parenting series on the joys andchallenges of child-rearing.
New moms hear it all the time: “Don’t worry, it gets easier.” But, at the riskof being a downer, does it really? If talking to experts and celebrity parentsfor Yahoo Life’s So Mini Ways series has taught us anything, it’s that nobodyhas all the answers, and that every stage of parenting — from the bleary-eyeddaze of bringing home a newborn to waving goodbye to your high school grad andwondering, what now? — comes with its own unique challenges.
Over the past year we’ve had dozens of conversations with stars who are in thethick of parenting, whether that means changing diapers, negotiating withnewly independent tweens and teens or contemplating life as an empty nester.And while everyone’s parenting journey is different, there’s a lot of commonground, too. Ahead, read some of the comments that struck a chord with us thisyear.
The path to parenthood
“I had some professional things that I’d been hoping for not come through orhad been delayed. And I just thought like, ‘What am I doing? Like, I justgotta have a kid. i [didn’t] want to wake up and just never be able to,because more than writing and creating shows, my great dream in life was tobecome a mom, because of my relationship with my mom.” — Mindy Kaling
“To be honest, I couldn’t have imagined having a kid earlier. I was kind oftoying with the idea around the time I was like in my late 30s; I just didn’tthink it was going to be for me. And you know, Nova was a surprise.I mean, Iwould’ve liked to have a kid, but I thought I was too old, to be honest, and Iwas in a newish relationship so we definitely weren’t trying to have a baby.[But] when I look back I just feel such peace and ease and that the world gaveme Nova when I least expected it but I most needed it. She’s been the greatestblessing in our lives.” — Diana Kruger
Story continues
“I think so many people out there have the capacity to adopt. And so manypeople have an internal desire, but they’re afraid. Fear often stops us frommaking decisions that we know we should make deep down. And I always call fear’false evidence appearing real.’ Most of the fears we carry are false. … [But]I was confronted with something that was very clear: That the best option formy son was to be my son.” — HillHarper
“I absolutely think it’s really scary that because of Roe v. Wade beingoverturned that the way that I became a mother may no longer be available toother people. And that’s really scary that IVF would be questioned oroverturned; that letting science and medicine play a role in how we becomemoms is an issue. I am a very spiritual person. I believe in God; I believe inthe word of God. And I also believe that God has given wisdom to theseincredible scientists and doctors to make a way. … I look at my son every dayand I’m reminded of the favor and the faithfulness of God.” — AdrienneBailon Houghton
(Image: Quinn Lemmers)
The balancing act
“I think that as moms, we have really high expectations of what we can do — aswe should. But the reality is that we have to step back and go, ‘Alright. Iknow I can handle a lot, but what is really realistic for me?'” — CamilaAlves McConaughey
“Accept all the help. Usually I’m a very proud person and I think I can do itmyself and don’t need any help, but these are the times when I have to beaccepting all the help, whether it’s an extra feed or extra hands.” — JamieChung
“Be kind to yourself, and understand that you need breaks and that childrenneed breaks from their parents too. You go away from each other, you come backand you’re going to be a stronger and better person.” — Lucy Liu
“People around us expect us to be the exact same way, as far as how availablewe are and how much energy we can give, and everything changes when you becomea parent.” — Leah Michele
“I’m juggling both work and parenting and I think they know — I hope theywould know — that they’re the most part of my day and of my life, but I alsohave a job that I adore. I also want them to know that you can do both. Thatdoesn’t always look perfect, or even good, but I want them to know that youcan have a career that fulfills you and you can also love the kids that youhave. And so, yeah , I’m not with them in the mornings, but our evenings arepretty cool.” — Jenna Bush Hager
“You’ve just gotta really be patient and try to stay in the moment. My biggestthing, I think, is I work a lot and I’m very ambitious that way. So what Ireally try to do is stop and put everything else on pause and just try to beas present as I can with him.Because that’s all they really care [about]; theyjust want a good time with their parents. He loves hanging out with me. And sowhen everything else feels really important, the must important thing is forme just to be there and be present with him.” — Josh Duhamel
“I’m a firm believer in ‘how you do anything is how you do everything.’ Idon’t cut corners as a mom. I don’t cut corners as an athlete. I don’t cutcorners as a partner. I own my failures when I make mistakes because I have togive myself grace as a parent. I’m not always gonna get it right.” — AshlynHarris
House rules
“Our rules are probably stricter than most. Our kids don’t have social media.They’re allowed to look sometimes when it’s our phones. Sometimes, our kidswill be like ‘you guys are the strictest household!’ But I say, ‘yes, buteveryone still wants to come here!’ … I believe kids need to know what theirlimitations are, and they actually thrive in that environment. We’re not mean,we’re not unnecessarily strict, but we have rules. And the same way I abide bymy code of rules, I expect the same from our children.” — Sarah MichelleGellar
“I think a lot of Korean culture, especially when it comes to child-rearing,is based a little bit on shame, and that’s how you kind of keep people inline. Shame is a very important part of how people were kept in line in mychildhood. And I think we have taken that down a lot in our house.” — JohnCho
“I do believe in nepotism, but I believe in respectable nepotism. If I build acompany, I want you to know how to run a company. And that’s what I’m tryingto teach my kids. Like, hey, I’ll give it to you, but you gonna have to gimmesomething back.You’re gonna have to show me when I get ready to go into theold folks home, you have to show me that you can run it.I got six kids, justgimme one or two. Please take over what I’ve built and add onto it. This ain’tabout me. It’s about you and your kids and your kids’ kids. I got it cracking.Now it’s up to you to keep it cracking. If not, we’re gonna go back to wherewe used to be, in the projects. Is that what you want?” — Shaquille O’Neal
“The word that comes out of my mouth daily when it comes to my daughter is’yes.’ Or like, ‘absolutely — we need it’ or like, ‘absolutely — buy it.’ Or’yes, she needs that dress.’ Everything is yes when it comes to my daughter.”— Wilmer Valderrama
(Image: Quinn Lemmers)
Setting an example
“The idea that we have to be one thing when we grow up is really limiting. SoI just want to be able to show my girls, especially [since] they’re girls,that no, you can change and shift and you can change your mind at any point,and you can change your major, change your decision. Not to say it’s going tobe easy and … you’re probably going to quote-unquote ‘fail’ more than you’regoing to succeed, but that’s part of it. And I want to be the example of thatby doing it, and by taking the shame out of failing, specifically.” — EveMendes
“I put myself in a very vulnerable position. I’m still one of the only[openly] queer Muslims in entertainment … and so I put myself in a line offire. And I do that so my son will understand, and my future children willunderstand, that they get to be whoever they want to be, and they should beincredibly proud of that. And if we don’t have someone like me inentertainment, who does say it’s OK to be yourself, what state will they be inif they are not — air quotes — ‘straight white people?’ What will that looklike for them? I want them to understand that their father did all he could totry and make the world a somewhat more accepting place.” — Tan France
“As a parent, all we want is to keep our child safe. With the overturning [of_Roe v. Wade_ ]all or [my son’s] friends, they are less safe now. They don’thave the rights that I had, which is just unimaginable to me. So I do think,as a mother, it’s important to talk about how long the fight was to getabortion passed — how long we’ve had it as a right and how important it is tohealth care. it is healthcare.” — Debra Messing
“It’s always sweet to feel their love and to see when they’re proud of mebecause I hope that when they see me doing my thing, they can be inspired andknow that hey, anything you dream of is possible. If you believe in yourdream, that ‘s where it starts. And if Mommy did it, why can’t I do it?” —Ciara
Getting it right
“They have their own distinct personalities and perspectives and ideas andopinions that they bring to the table. So it’s a combination of teaching thembut also just watching.” — Boris Kodjoe
“The pressure you put on yourself not to screw these little people up is theonly thing you care about. I find myself getting consumed by it … you justwant your kids to be happy and content. I always wanted to be a dad but theextent to how much I care — that was pretty eye-opening.” — Nick Lachey
“[It’s a] big lesson of just daily surrendering up to God and surrendering herup to God and just saying, ‘I can control so much.’ And that’s a very, veryscary lesson for a parent. [When your kids are] younger you have this elementof control of what they eat, what they wear, where they’re going, theparameters. And then that just slowly, slowly gets less and less. And it’s alittle scary, but it’s a good lesson for me.” — Tony Hale
“As far as parenting goes, I mean, everything is exhausting, right? Sometimesit feels impossible, but then your kid will say something so outrageouslyamazing — this tiny human you’re raising to be, like, the future of our world.You never know what they’re gonna end up doing.” — Jessica Simpson
The empty nest
“I can’t even talk about it, it’s so upsetting not being in touch all thetime. It kills me. The meanest thing your kids can ever do to you is grow up.”— Pamela Adlon
“When your kids are adults … they’re such different people. You almost mournthose children that were 3, 4, 5, 6, because those people don’t exist anymore… Those kids are gone. So it’s weird .You can really get melancholic and sad.Isee why people have babies.My mom had my little brother when my sister and Iwere 11 and 13, much to the surprise and chagrin of my dad.But I see whypeople do it. I think mourning is almost the right word because you just missthose kids.They’re pretty much the same from about 5 to 11, and they stillthink you know everything and they still run and throw themselves around yourlegs when you walk in the And then you’ve got these two adults you love inexactly the same way, but they’re wildly different people.” — James Denton
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