Idina Menzel is getting real about the difficulties of trying to have a secondchild through IVF.
The star of stage and screen, 51, shares her story in the upcomingdocumentary, Idina Menzel: Which Way to the Stage?, streaming Dec. 9 onDisney+. In it, viewers watch as she embarks on a 16-show national tour in2018, while, simultaneously, going through multiple rounds of in-vitrofertilization.
“There’s a fine line between me being vulnerable and exposing too much,” shetold InStyle about sharing her IVF struggles with the world. “I want womento feel like they’re being seen and heard. And for people to understand thatexperience a lot of us go on, how emotional it is, what it does to our bodiesand how it affects us day to day, let alone trying to sing high notes and geton stage.”
In trying to conceive a child with her second husband, Aaron Lohr, Menzel> says she went through several rounds of IVF — one of several techniques> available to help people with fertility problems, in which eggs are removed> from a woman’s ovaries, fertilized with sperm in a lab and then returned as> embryos to the womb.
Sadly, all of the rounds were unsuccessful.
“For some reason, I was arrogant. The doctors did say it [was] late, but [Iseemed] to have a really good chance,” she said. “They sort of filled my headwith all this stuff that I was going to be like one in a hundred women thatactually gets pregnant at my age. Because I’m a competitive person [I thought]I’m going to do it.”
Each rejection was another layer of disappointment for the actress, who was 48when she decided to stop trying altogether.
“At a certain time, you’re exhausted emotionally and physically. It becomesapparent that it is just time to let that go and move on,” she said of theexperience, admitting she “didn’t 100%” want a second child at her age given“how hard that would be for me at this age and knowing a lot of things that Istill want to do in my career.”
“When it doesn’t happen, you’re upset,” she added. That’s when “you realizehow much you want it.”
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Menzel, already mom to 13-year-old son Walker with ex-husband Taye Diggs, saysbeing a parent has enriched her life — including the approach she brings toher stage work.
“Before I had Walker, I was more rigid,” she said. “My sleep pattern had to bea certain way so I could be in good voice. I wouldn’t travel right before ashow, because the air pressure on the airplane affects the dryness of yourvoice. I was harder on myself, more of a perfectionist.
“When I had Walker all that went out the window,” she continued. “You say toyourself, ‘My kid had a fever last night. I’m probably going to get his coldand it’s going to fuck up in my mind what a perfect show it is.’ Once I wascompletely liberated by it, I would get on stage and tell myself, ‘OK, let’ssee what happens.’ As a result, I ended up having better shows because I tookthe perfection out of it.”
While reflecting on her experience, Menzel is grateful for women like JenniferAniston, who are opening up about their IVF struggles, as it’s something shefeels needs to be spoken of more.
“Perhaps the fact that this is coming to light from different women — it’sjust something that needs to be explored,” she said. “It’s probably a signfrom the universe that we need to discuss it and have this conversation.”
Menzel has always used her platform to speak about the issues faced by womenand mothers. In August 2021, she told Yahoo Life that motherhood had made heraware of some of her own flaws.
“The things I need to work on are not being too controlling, listening more,not trying to solve everything,” she explained at the time. “Sometimes[Walker] will tell me something … if there’s a kid that’s bullying him orsomething, I’ll say, “Well, let’s think about what that kid might be goingthrough.” And he’ll say, ‘Mom, can you just be on my side for once?'”
“Sometimes, kids, they don’t want to hear the other perspective, you know,they just want you to support them and be there for them,” she continued. “Andso, in an effort to make this fully rounded human being and teach them thatthere are all different perspectives to people and humanity, sometimes Iforget that our kids just want to be heard.”
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