Looking, hearing, feeling, smelling, tasting, intuition: our senses make uswho we are. This week: saxophonist Candy Dulfer (53). She was followed forfour years for the documentary Candy , which will soon be seen in cinemas.”Even if I’m in shit, I want to make people feel good.”
Rick PullensDecember 2, 202221:28
HEARING – Making music starts with listening
“I was kind of born into a saxophone. That is of course because of Hans, myfather, also a saxophonist. The Filipino sister in the Anna Pavilion, here inAmsterdam, said to my mother after giving birth: ‘Oh, your husband is a jazzmusician? Then you must put on a record tonight when you take Candy home; niceand loud, then she gets used to the sound.’
The billiard table in our house in Broek en Waterland was always full ofsaxophones. During the day my father earned money selling cars, in the eveninghe often played somewhere. Many musicians came over – I sat on the knee ofArchie Shepp, the American jazz saxophonist. And I went to concerts. I wassurrounded by music.
Candy, the documentary
The documentary will be shown in cinemas from December 15 Candy a film bydirector Carin Goeijers about the life of the Netherlands’ most famoussaxophonist.
Still, I didn’t start playing myself until I was five. And quite frankly,those early years were mainly a way to please my father – that fun, flashyfather who was away so often. When I asked if I could try it too and playedsomething very silly, he replied: ‘That’s great, you even know how to holdyour hands’. To which I, as an only child, thought: oh, Daddy likes this.
For me, making music starts with listening. On stage I react to what I hear.That’s what I do all the time. That’s because I’m not really educated andbecause I think I’m good at it. As a child I played in the village harmony,but I never went to the conservatory, I never had any further lessons. At homeI played along with records.
Years passed before I became really obsessed with the saxophone and thought:this is my calling, my calling. I was mostly a go-getter. Thanks to Hans. Heused to get little support from his parents, they always criticized him anddidn’t really believe in him, but he always said to me: ‘You can do anything’.That’s what I like most about him. ‘Jeee-sister you were so good’, he stillsays it to me.”
Image Patrick Post
LOOKING – Being really seen doesn’t happen very often
“The documentary starts with a fragment where I am battling with a drummerduring a performance. I try to keep playing until I see he can’t anymore.Wonderful, such a competition. If I notice that a drummer like that thinks’no, not another round’, I just keep going.
Such a battle is very difficult, it does not always go well. You really haveto have the same swing. If it works, that’s so nice, then you both float. Evenwith a complete stranger you can have a symbiosis at such a moment. Playingtogether in that way really has a deeper meaning for me. It’s basically whatyou want people on Earth to do.
The funny thing is: I’ve been doing this battle for years, with the bestdrummers in the world – I copied it from older saxophonists – but the only onewho can keep it up is Sheila E. Men quickly think: it won’t happen to me. Theygive just a little too much gas and don’t realize that I’m going to continuefor another six minutes. She knows exactly how this game goes.
Sheila E. once wrote on a note after a performance: ‘The world is only halfaware of how good you are’. She didn’t mean Candy is the best saxophonist inthe world. She is not saying that, there are much better saxophonists. But shesaw what I’m doing there. She does it herself. I’m not just the soloist, I’mholding that whole band together, I’m watching the audience. That she wrotethat means a lot to me. Because everyone really wants to be seen. That onlyhappens a few times in your life.”
INTUITION – I am (too) often rational
“I actually learned the trick from a bunch of machos: my dad, Prince, MaceoParker, Dave Stewart. The last two are the bosses you want: they can make youdo exactly what they want without getting angry. But I also leaned towardsPrince. Everyone bowed to him like a jackknife. That seemed wonderful to me.That just doesn’t work for me. I’m way too sweet, but when it comes to musicsometimes too strict. I pay my musicians as well as possible, but I also ask alot of them. Being a boss is something you have to learn.
I myself am also macho yes. Male. A kind of Hans Dulfer, but with two tails.The worst part is: sometimes I don’t really know who I am anymore. Serious.I’m actually a very shy girl, very feminine, but to keep myself going I’vealways imitated my father so much that I’m a bit Hans now too. Or was thatalready in me?
Image Patrick Post
Male, female, I can’t remember. As a bandleader I often had to be strong onthe road, on my own, with fourteen people behind me. Then I had to makecrucial decisions: are we being nice to this cop, are we leaving now or are wegoing to get mad? But that shy girl is still there, especially at home. ThenI’m on my phone, I want nice clothes and I spend an hour on my make-up. I’vehad a boyfriend, Rafael, for six years now – hopefully forever , he is worthgold; an ultra-civilized man, with a bodybuilder’s body and tattoos.Fortunately, he can deal well with that strange duality.
Because I was always so preoccupied with thinking like a man, I lost myintuition for a long time. I did what seemed right in my head, but in myheart? I can’t hear my heart well at all. Sometimes I just think rationally. Ioften call my best friend, who is very intuitive, almost clairvoyant. Then Iask: do you know what I feel? That helps.”
FEELING – Music should give comfort
“Anyone who tries to play funk or jazz has to realize where that music comesfrom: from Africa. In the times of slavery, the rhythm was supposed to comfortpeople and give them energy to keep going. That meditative, a beat that reallybeats and continues in the same cadence, is therefore more than ‘nice’. You doit to help the other. Be aware of that if you play African American music,especially if you are white. I don’t like playing with people who don’t care.Groove and timing, that’s what it’s all about.
In Prince I met a kindred spirit. He said exactly the same to his musicians.He had one of the best drummers in the world, but then I would hear him say,’Damn John, if you drop that first bar a little, I’ll be down 1-0′. He got it.Also in terms of energy: you give until you drop. You are broken yourself, butyou give the audience even more.
In many other ways, Prince and I were polar opposites. I still think it’sincredible that I worked with him – I was eighteen, nineteen when I first gotto play. I can still chuckle to myself: I, Candy from Amsterdam, who can’tread a note; a stubborn, weird, chubby kid who was constantly checking himout.”
SMELL – My band smells and plays very fresh
“I once broke my nose trying to grab my 40-kilogram suitcase from a luggagerack on the back of the tour bus. Once again I was too macho and wanted to doit alone. That thing fell on my nose. As a result, I now have a bad nose, onenostril is too small.
Still, I think scent is important. Hygiene. Also in a band. We often have toget on the bus immediately after playing, then you can’t take a shower. LennyKravitz had a bath in his bus, we never had that. So yes, tolerance, that’swhat it all comes down to: making sure you don’t bother others. In the bus weall brush our teeth neatly, we have to. The band I have now smells and playsparticularly fresh.
My mother was my tour manager until recently, but I felt it had to stop atsome point; Inge is now 81, Hans 82. Sometimes she goes along for a while.Like recently to Switzerland. Then we lie in the bus together in the doublebed. Our bond is so close. Even when we are not together, we are alwaysworking together. We call, call, call. And we app.”
FEEL (2) – Never give up
I never just make a record, it always comes from a certain feeling, but my newalbum We Never Stop is really a cry from the heart. It had to come out. Whenwe were writing, corona broke out. And themes that were always on my mind weretopical: the multicultural society, the position of people who are not white,LGBTI+ issues. That’s all in this album.
Because of the pandemic, I was suddenly at home. A confusing time. I just hada new tire, but couldn’t even keep paying the guys. I tried to be strong, butI had to say ‘we never stop’ to myself every day. It was also a mantra tomyself. Because am I still a musician if I can’t play live? And can I makepeople happy if it’s not me?
Image Patrick Post
Yet it was precisely then that it became more clear to me than ever that musicis necessary. Even though I’m in shit, I want to make people feel good – ‘comeon, let’s keep going’. That’s what I’m in the world for. Of course, I alsosometimes get stuck in things, but soon I think: come on, let’s move on. I gotthat optimism from Inge, my mother. Persevere and continue. Never give up.
That’s how I deal with a lot of things. For example, I can’t have children.That is intense, because I always wanted a family. I went to extremes withivf. Still I thought: okay, I’m really sad now, I feel that, but I don’t wantto have my whole life failed because of one negative thing. That wouldn’t befair to my parents either. They have done so much for me, so that I have thisgreat life.
My parents were ultimately also the reason to say yes to the documentary. Ididn’t have to put my head in a movie myself, but I was sorry that they neverwanted to either. Now something of them has been captured on film. Soon theywill be gone. I already cry when I think about it. I think it’s scary now thatthey’re getting old.
When I recently saw the result of four years of filming, I had to laugh. I hadin my head: it’s going to be a documentary, so then I’ll sit in a chair, saysome nice sentences that sum up my life and the world and then people willsay: ‘Gosh, how wise Candy is’. Not so. It’s a very different kind of film,more like a portrait. I don’t think anyone would say, “Candy is the helmsmanof this century, what a wise 53-year-old woman.” Unfortunately. People don’tsee it in me. I’ll just put up with that. I just do it my way: with music.”