The modern leader doesn’t bark or belittle – that creates an “we” feeling

When the Danish women’s handball team quickly falls behind in a match a fewyears ago, the coach asks for a time-out. Then the man goes completely crazy,as shown in a YouTube video. He continues to rant at his players, some of whomlook increasingly anxious.

Coaching can also be less authoritarian, says Henk Groener, handball coach andteacher at the Johan Cruyff Institute. “The best example are the Norwegianwomen’s handball. They themselves bear responsibility for their developmentand performance, by thinking along and consulting with each other. The coachguides that alone, with his or her own expertise.”

The Norwegians have been doing it this way for 35 years and have becomeEuropean champions nine times in that time, says Groener: “That team is almostimpossible to beat.” The Danish coach left not long after his tirade, due tolack of success – and because of his behaviour. It illustrates how theauthoritarian leader is disappearing in top sport. “Not just there,” saysGroener, “you see it throughout society.”

Indeed, there are signs that the bully boss era is coming to an end.Significant is the hard fall of TV presenter Matthijs van Nieuwkerk afterrevelations in de Volkskrant that he is employees of the talk show _DWDD_frequently denigrated. Another example that aggressive leadership is no longeraccepted is the recently announced investigation into the way in which KhadijaArib, as Speaker of the House of Representatives, dealt with civil servants.

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“Tolerance for bully behavior is decreasing,” confirms organizationalpsychologist Aukje Nauta, professor at Leiden University. She notices thisduring the training she gives at organizations. “The discussions there are nowa lot about psychological safety.” She sees this in the report that the KNAW,the highest scientific body, recently published on social safety atuniversities: ‘Such a report would probably not have been published twentyyears ago. Then we accepted that the professor was simply the highest in rankand was therefore allowed a little now and then bully. Much less now.”

The “truly legendary bullies have also died out in healthcare”, says retiredinterventional radiologist Menno Sluzewski. He wrote a letter to the editorearlier this week NRC about these figures, mostly surgeons: “Scissors,tweezers and humiliations flew through the air and assistants often left thetheater crying. These bullies were tolerated well into the last century. Notanymore.”

That is not only his own impression, says Sluzewski, but also that of numerouscolleagues and former colleagues. He himself was barked at during an operationduring his training (as he remembers: ‘Your only contribution is that youincrease the risk of infection here, so shut up’). Things like that don’thappen anymore, he says. “That whole culture is gone.”

The environment can create the bully boss

That does not mean that the bully practices are suddenly a thing of the pasteverywhere. “The bully behavior itself is not declining,” says Nauta.According to her, this can also be seen in the size and duration of the DWDDissue, which shows the classic characteristics of abuse of power. “A leaderfloats to the surface, partly thanks to our fascination with strong leaders,turns out to be an authoritarian boss in a company with a strong ambition andis ultimately not corrected enough.”

The bully boss is partly created by the organization, psychologists NaomiEllemers and Dick de Gilder, who recently published the book The exemplaryorganization published. Dysfunctional leaders often have certain personalcharacteristics, says De Gilder, associate professor of organizational scienceat the VU University in Amsterdam: “Personality psychologists often refer tothe ‘dark three’: narcissism, Machiavellianism and psychopathy.” According tohim, this “does not mean that all executives who display aggressive behaviorare necessarily narcissists or psychopaths.”

Read the review here the book by Ellemers and De Gilder

It may also be the environment that provokes and perpetuates such undesirablebehaviour, says Ellemers, university professor at Utrecht University and chairof the committee that wrote the KNAW report. “If you are praised from heavenyear after year, you can eventually start thinking yourself that you aregreat. And if no one corrects you when you waltz over someone else, you willmake less and less effort to control your emotions so as not to hurt someoneelse.”

In many workplaces, managers are put on a pedestal, says Ellemers. “Forexample, by giving them sky-high rewards, or granting all kinds of benefits.This literally places the manager in a different category than the ‘ordinary’employees.” De Gilder: “It can, for example, ensure that managers increasinglyget the feeling that ‘ordinary’ rules or manners do not apply to them –because they are so special.”

Anyone who treats executives like stars shouldn’t be surprised if they get> star-like

Fame can be just as corrupting as money, thinks De Gilder. “Those who treatexecutives like stars should not be surprised if they get star-likequalities.” And then less open to criticism, says Ellemers, who refers toscientific research: “All this leads to such a person being less aware of thecontributions of others to success and less about their needs and concerns.”

In the sports world, “our dealings with coaches are also a bit toomanipulative,” says handball coach Groener. According to him, you can see thatnow that the Dutch football team is participating in the World Cup in Qatarunder the leadership of national coach Louis van Gaal. “Van Gaal does not kicka ball into the goal, but it is always about him. Who is he taking? Who setsit up?” Van Gaal himself “treats his players very humanely”, is the impressionof Groener. Van Gaal has spoken disparagingly to journalists on more than oneoccasion.

Illustration Bart Nijstad

Anxiety, stress, sick

Bully bosses can also get their way because of ineradicable misconceptionsabout what constitutes good leadership. For example, the idea that a toughapproach is necessary to achieve absolute top performance is a stubborn one.Think of Elon Musk, who tries to bend Twitter to his will by firing staff andputting them in front of the block by email. Or the foul-mouthed TV chefGordon Ramsay, who showed aspiring chefs all corners of the kitchen – bullyingas a TV format.

In the recent discussion of misconduct, the idea is used as defense andjustification. For example, according to some columnists, Arib would only haveshaken up the dusty civil service in the Chamber. And Van Nieuwkerk wasportrayed in a few statements on Twitter and TV as a driven perfectionist, whocould never have made such a successful talk show without the barking ofemployees.

Bullshit, says Nauta: “Psychological safety is not the opposite of ambition.”According to her, this has been convincingly argued by the American researcherAmy Edmondson in the book The Fearless Organisation (2018), with therevealing subtitle Creating Psychological Safety in the Workplace forLearning, Innovation, and Growth. “High ambition with low safety creates aculture of fear. With high safety and high ambition, people dare to admittheir mistakes and they can learn from them, so that they ultimately performbetter.” According to her, Edmondson’s book is now widely used in theNetherlands, including at the Ministry of Justice and Security, customs,universities and hospitals: “It really resonates”.

‘Top sport’? Nonsense. A doctor works under much greater pressure>> Menno Sluzewski retired interventional radiologist

Another ready-made idea is that managing a large company or making a dailytalk show is actually top sport, where there is abuse under great stress. “Topsport? What nonsense,” says Menno Sluzewski. “In hospitals, people often workunder much greater pressure.” Sluzewski himself performed operations on thebulge of an artery in the head for decades: “With a one in twenty chance ofdeath or permanent disability of the patient, so always exciting. A leader hasto be able to handle such pressure.” If someone made a mistake, he discussedit afterwards. “All my colleagues do. That way you teach someone something.”

Explaining it all well, that’s what handball coach Groener did, especially atthe beginning of his career. “Nowadays I let athletes discover it forthemselves; for example, they make video analyzes of the opponent. If theathletes see their development as their own responsibility, they will alsowork on it when you are not there. And on the field they also have to makedecisions themselves, in situations where they have little time. The more theperformance of the athlete himself is, the stronger he is in his shoes.”

This also applies outside the sports world, says Ellemers: “Modern leadershipmodels emphasize how important it is that the leader can evoke a ‘we’ feelingand show employees that they belong. For example, by treating them withrespect and making it clear that their contributions are important for the endresult.” According to her, an authoritarian leadership style iscounterproductive: “There are now all kinds of studies that show how harmfulit is for everyone involved. Employees become anxious and stressed, call insick, or leave.”

Sweet era

The damage to the employees has become a permanent theme in recent mediapublications about the bully bosses. Burnout or trauma is the price they payfor the humiliations they have had to endure, often as punishment for amistake. Van Nieuwkerk making a sound man kneel. Publisher Mai Spijkers who,according to another story, in de Volkskrant employees brushed the cloakwith the rhetorical question ‘what kind of moron are you?’.

This kind of bully behavior leads employees to avoid risk, says Nauta. “AtDWDD they no longer dared to invite new guests.” Because they might not bewell received by the presenter. Sanctioning mistakes only creates fear offailure, says Groener. “We talk too quickly about what goes wrong. Why don’twe talk more about what went well? How can we make sure things go well moreoften. Or the good even better?” According to him, the fixation on mistakesalready starts at school. “The number of mistakes determines your grade. It ismuch more fun to watch: what am I good at? This is how you build people’sself-confidence.”

The Dutch women’s hockey team has already taken that path. Under coach AlysonAnnan, the team achieved many successes, but many players suffered from theunsafe atmosphere. At the beginning of this year, Annan was fired and a coachtook over who worked much more as a supervisor. The hockey women became worldchampions, now much more on their own than before.

That doesn’t mean we’re entering a “sweet era,” says Nauta, who is working ona book about the possible end of bully behavior. “Thanks to the debate onsocial media, the debate on this is moving faster than before. We are allstill learning. It is a civilizing process.”

With the cooperation of Ellen de Bruin